Hello my loves!
I'm not quite sure where to start today. There's so much info to share and such a story that it's all kinda bleeding together, so please bear with me as I'm clearly losing my mind lol.
Okay so, y'all remember my post from yesterday, right? The one that said CSE had found my son's deadbeat ass dad. Well, as they say, the plot thickens. That shit is so thick you need a knife to cut through it. I got some information today that had me in such a rage that I could barely breathe. I'm still highly pissed off, but I'm using my head now instead of working off emotion alone.
I found out some information about my son's dad this morning that I NEVER would've expected. Not only is he married now, but he has a 7 month old daughter and owns a tattoo shop in the city where his family is from in Alabama. Now, here's a little twist: He and I aren't technically divorced. We've lived apart for the past 7 years, but since I couldn't afford a divorce and he clearly wasn't gonna pay for it, it never got done. So, not only is he a deadbeat dad, he's a polygamist as well. To say that I almost passed out when I heard is a gross understatement. I literally almost screamed on the train after I read the message. The shock I experienced was palpable. I was so angry that I didn't even feel cold while I walked to my office from the train. THAT'S how pissed off I was.
I don't care that he has a new wife. In fact, I pity her because she clearly doesn't really know Ryan like she thinks she does. I'd bet money she has no idea that Ryan's already married and has an 8 year old son. Initially, I was gonna send her a nice little message, but I know it would do more harm than good. Y'all already know I don't really give too much of a damn about people's feelings, so that's not why I didn't expose that polygamist husband of hers. I said nothing to her because that will give him a chance to try and run to avoid what's about to go down, and I'm not gonna give him that chance. I'm gonna win this battle trust and believe it.
Turns out that he and the new wife have been together for 4 years and just got married in October. They co-own the tattoo shop (Deep South Tattoos in Cullman, Alabama) and all that shit. Well, I hope they've enjoyed it because that joint is about to be called Toni's Tattoos. I"m turning him in to the feds for being a polygamist. Not because I want him back (excuse me while I puke at the mere thought), but because I want him to suffer. I want his whole life to crash down before his very eyes. I want him to know what it's like to be backed into a fucking corner and have to pick up the pieces to his shattered epic fail of a life.
I looked at pics of his daughter, and she's really cute. She looks a lot like D did as a little one. That almost makes it worse, you know? I hate that he's been able to hide his past from his wife like that. I don't care about him, or her too much to be honest. I feel bad for his daughter and for D. They don't even know one another. D's always telling me he wants a sibling, and to know he has one that he may never get to meet pisses me off to no end.
Like I've said, I plan to go out there, but I'm not gonna kill him or anything. I just wanna see the look on his face when I walk into the tattoo shop, you know? I wanna see the look of fear and surprise in his eyes. I wanna hear him start to stutter when his wife asks him what's wrong and if he knows me or some shit. He's a great actor, but not THAT good. He should've remembered that fucking with me the wrong way is bad for your health. I hope when he gets locked up they ass rape him until he can't even sit. I hope they make him the bitch that I already know he is. I'm always turnt up, y'all know that, but I'm on a whole new level right now.
Well, let me get back to work. Please feel free to comment on here or on my Facebook or Twitter. Oh, and if you wanna take the trip with me to Alabama, just let me know.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Hello, my loves!
I know it's been a crazy long time, so let's skip the backtracking and get right into it. So, I fond out today that Child Support Enforcement thinks that they've found Ryan, Dominic's raggedy ass father that hasn't seen or talked to his son since D was 13 months old. Initially, of course, I was happy to hear the news. However, as time has passed, I'm beginning to have all sorts of mixed emotions, anger being the most prevelent. That leads us to the title of this blog. Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, take it easy, and not totally lose my shit on this dude. While I appreciate where it's coming from, I don't wanna hear that shit right now. All I care about at this very moment is that, while I've sturggled to make a life for me & D, this raggedy motherfucker has been in Alabama and Florida living it up.
Ryan doesn't even claim his son. He told this bitch that D's name that's tatted on his arm was a soldier he fought with that died in Afghanistan. See the shit I'm talking about? This asshat doesn't even claim Dominic, much less acknowledge his existence. MEanwhile, Dominic asked me once 'Mommy, is my Daddy dead or alive?' 'He's alive, baby.' 'Why doesn't he call or visit me?' 'I don't know, baby.' This is the shit I deal with while Mr. I'm a Cocksucker is out living the life.
I know it's not good to wish death or anything on another person, but I truly hate him. I've never actually hated someone before, much less this strongly and passionately. I'm a Leo, so you already know I'm always fired up. I put up with a lot of shit from him while we were together. I almost lost my son because Ryan cheated on me and gave me an STD that sent me into premature labor. Luckily, it was cureable, but still. My child could have DIED, you dig?
So, when y'all tell me to be easy or be the bigger person, excuse me if it's not something I wanna hear. I don't give a good got damn about too much of shit in this life other than my son and my family. I know that it's coming from the love you have for me & D, and I truly appreciate that love. But seriously, sometimes I'm not ranting on Twitter and Facebook looking for advice or to be calmed down. Sometimes, I'm just kirking off and venting so that I can go out into the world without shooting folks from a rooftop some damn where.
Yes, I know murder is a capital offense and brings life in prison. If I didn't know that, I woulda been tried to find that cock sucker and ended his epic fail of a life. If my son's well-being wasn't my #1 concern, I'd already be serving a sentence, so don't come at me telling me how to feel or how to react. If I say I wanna kick his ass, then that's how I feel. If you can't deal with me and my aggression, leave me the fuck alone. I have no time or patience for being told how to live my life and behave. Yeah, I know I'm better than this ans that and all that shit, but let me sink low for a minute shit. Let me, just this once, kirk off without having to hear a fucking lecture. My own mama doesn't even tell me no shit like that, so why would I take it from y'all?!
I don't want this to sound like I don't love you guys,because that's totally not the case. I love all of you, and put on my gangsta grill for y'all whenver you need me to, so why can't I get the same? Why is it that when I say I'm gonna hurt someone, I get the 'Calm down, Toni' bullshit until y'all need me to get gutter for y'all. Then it's cool that I'll fight a bitch, or a dude cuz y'all know I fight guys too, when it's for you. I can't deal with that shit.
At the end of the day, I just want to be treated like I treat others. I'm not saying I wanna fuck YOU up, so what's the big fucking deal?! I'mt tired of always being the adult, the bigger person and shit. It's already common knowledge that I'm not a nice girl, so why do people come at me and expect me to behave like I am. I'm not one for faking and shit. This is me, y'all. All the craziness and shit, that's me too, so you have two choices. You can either just let me fucking be unless I ask for you to do otherwise, or get the fuck outta my life.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
A while back, my #CompoundMusic homie Mac Marz released his mixtape 'Wolf Among Sheep'. To say this something you need in your life would be a gross understatement. 'Get Em' is definitely one of my favorite tracks off the mixtape.
Now, y'all know I don't endorse too many people, so for me to endorse Mac you know I truly am feeling it. You can download it here: http://themacmarz.bandcamp.com/album/wolf-among-sheep
The International Bad Girls Club & Radio On-Air Host EZ Street Team up For ‘Hip Hop 4 Tots’ Artist Showcase &Toy Drive
Live Performances by DMV Super Stars!
Washington, DC. (December 6, 2010) – On December 23rd The International Bad Girls Club (The IBGC) and Radio Host EZ Street host “Hip Hop 4 Tots” Artist Showcase and holiday toy drive at Pure Lounge. Hip Hop 4 Tots is in conjunction with EZ Street’s nonprofit Creative Solutions 4 Youth Inc.
The toys donated at event benefit the Family Ties Project a program providing services to families affected by HIV/AIDS by helping parents and caregivers plan for the future care of their children.
“We are so happy to lend our high-quality event image enhancement and promotional skills to support this wonderful event and showcasing of very talented DMV hip-hop artists” says Jennifer Hampton a UDC Law student & IBGC member who worked with the Family Ties Project.
Performing at this must attend event/toy drive are DMV super stars: Lola Monroe, Phil Ade, One way Boobe, Judah on the Beat, Bear Witnez, Dagga, Mista 40, Nu the Mayor, Whitefolkz and more! Guests attending this event receive FREE admission when they bring an unwrapped toy or book. Doors open at 7:30 pm. Pure Lounge is located at 1326 U Street, NW.
“While HIV/AIDS infects individuals it affects entire families and communities, your generous gifts to The Family Ties Project will bring joy and happiness to children and youth and lighten the burden for these affected families during the holiday season!” says Sally Altland, Project Director for the Family Ties Project.
Media inquiries regarding this event should be directed to Shar’ron Antoinette (Pretty Gyrl PR), Chief Branding Officer for The IBGC at email@example.com /202.390.9303.