Monday, June 7, 2010

Excuse Me Sir, Your Vag is Showing

I just cannot understand what is happening to guys these days. In such a 'pause' and 'no homo' driven society, the fact that so many of these dudes are in need of Manpons and Midol astounds me. There is a great difference between a man that is in tune with his feminine side and a guy that's acting like a straight chick. And by 'acting like a straight chick', I don't mean homosexual men that dress up & live as women. At least they're open with their chickness. I'm talking about these straight 'I'm the hardest dude on the block' guys that, if you ask me, are all in need of some serious hormone therapy.

Now, fellas, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself (or saying aloud, whatever moves you), 'Hol' up, T! Yall chicks complain when we aren't sensitive enough, now you're saying we're TOO sensitive?!' Um, yes, fellas, that's what I'm saying. Not ALL of you, before I get hit with these crazy messages. However, the number of Vaggy guys is starting to grow at an enormous rate, so I had to bring attention to this epidemic. There is such thing as being TOO sensitive, guys. Sure, we women want you to understand us and not treat us like youhave no clue how we feel, but when you take that to the next level, it's definitely no bueno.

Perfect example: Dating a dude that makes a woman feel like she's the one that has the testosterone. This is just crazy to me. I've been in this position before and it sucks. If every time I say something to you that you don't wanna hear (which, be notified, is a great occurrence when dealing with me) you break down into tears, that's not gonna work for me. C'mon, dude, seriously?  coming at me with that 'you don't really love me' crap every time I say I do will not only get a Midol slipped into your drink, but a tampon placed in your pants pocket. Feeling emotions isn't the problem here, guys, so please don't take it to the extreme. It's about balance. Sure, I want you to be sensitive to my needs, but I don't want you crying all the damn time.

Another thing you dudes do that screams vaginal is gossip. Now, I don't give a good hot damn what any of you dudes say. Y'all gossip and whatnot just as much, if not more, than we women do. At least us girls own it and don't try to do it under the guise of just trying to converse with a chick to get with her. I've witnessed guys sitting around together, much like us women do, talking about another dude like he's the worst person in the world, but when they see him it's all good. Now, if that ain't some female stuff, I don't know what it. If you're gonna talk shit about us women running our mouths all the time, do me a favor and check yourself prior.

The place to find the biggest congregation of vaggy dudes is on Twitter. I swear, I never knew how girly rappers, thugs, and every kinda guy in between could be softer than Charmin triple ply. I understand we live in a hyper sensitive society these days, but Twitter must be where the vaggy boys go to meet and learn the tricks of the trade. These dudes read a tweet, sometimes not even directed towards them, and totally get in their feelings like you just told them you heard they have a little pecker or something. Fellas, this has GOT TO STOP! Unless a woman tells you directly you're a pussy or have a little pecker or whatever else we women may say about men, please don't feel the need to get in your feelings. It's fucking ridiculous and it makes your huge vag show even more.

And fellas, please, for the love of God, be mindful of how you use text acronyms like 'LOL', 'LLS', and the infamous smiley face. While it's cool to use one here and there occassionally, if every text I get form you has 'lls' or something similar in it, not only will I talk about you to my friends, I will suddenly disappear from your life. I can't with that shit right there. Of all teh vaggy things you guys do, that may be in my top 3. Fellas, just cuz Trey & Soulja Boy did a song about it, that doesn't make using or saying 'LOL :)' a socially acceptable text or tweet. Furthermore, if anything Soulja says is key in your thinking, you need more help than I am able to give.

I could go on forever about this, as I'm sure y'all already know, but I'm gonna leave it alone. Just know, fellas, just like you're watching our every word and comment, we women are doing the same to you. Just like you get in your little circles and talk about us, we're doing the same about you. If you're calling yourself a man, please act like one. I'm not saying you have to be a heartless prick to qualify as a 'real man' by any means, so please don't twist it that way. All I'm saying is, keep your female tendencies in check because, if a woman has to call you out on it, it won't be pretty.

Con Amor,

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