What's up, world? I'm getting straight to it today. Yesterday, I tweeted that my ex (we'll call him 'Atlanta') emailed me yesterday. Well, it brought back all these old buried emotions that I have towards him. Most were good, but there was a real nasty portion of our relationship too, and when I say it was nasty I mean NASTY! He and I were best friends for many years before we ever hooked up, so we knew each other really well. Like they always say, you never really know someone until you live together. About six months to a year after I split from my son's father, me and 'Atlanta' ran into each other again at my job (I was with BD in North Carolina, then moved back to Atlanta once we divorced). He found ME btw. Anyways, at the end of the day, while he was very loving and whatnot, there was an ugly side to him that I don't know if I can ever forget. That ugly side was abusive physiclly, mentally and emotionally. He hurt me in ways I'd never thought possible prior to that. So, I left 'Atlanta' in Atlanta and moved back to my homestate of Maryland.
That was five years ago, and we were in contact here and there via email for a while, until he got married. Then, he hit me with: 'Toni, as much as I love you and want us to be friends again like we were, I can't do it. I wouldn't want my wife to get hurt in the process, so we can't speak on the phone and shouldn't email each other often either.' 'Okay, nigga, BYE!' was the response screaming in my head, but I delivered that message in a much nicer way by agreeing to his wishes. Now that I've told y'all that, you can understand my shock and amazement when he contacted me via an unsolicited email.
As soon as I saw his name in my inbox, I kinda did an internal happy dance. Not because I miss him romntically, because that's DEFINITELY not the case. But because, at the end of the day, the friendship we had and that pure love we once shared before he became a psycho still means something to me. I've always been the forgive but never forget type, and with him there's no real exception per say. While I have forgiven what he did to me, I will never forget, and it's kept me safer in relationships I've had since being with him. I just realaly miss my friend. He was always my biggest supporter and protector when we were younger (we met junior year of high school) and up until the romantic relationsip got ugly. I miss THAT 'Atlanta', not the monster he claimed I turned him into. since our split and prior to his marriage, he went to counseling and whatnot and has, I'm glad to say, never laid a hand on his wife. So, I guess the fact he's grown up and changed makes me think we can be friends again.
Clearly, I still care about him deeply, but not in a romantic way at all. The sex we used to have was mindblowing to say the least, but it wasn't great enough that I'd become a homewrecker or anything to get a piece. That's not my style. Besides, I'm all about forward movement, you dig? If I wanted him, trust and believe I'm sure I could have him, but that's not my goal. I just want us to have a freindship again.
Why is that, when our exes hit us up, it always seems to be at the exact moment we're wondering how they're doing? Why does it resurrect the dead feelings and events you experienced with them? Damn you, 'Atlanta', for breaking YOUR rules. Now, I'm over here wondering what his purpose for writing me was. Not the words he said, but the intent behind them. Is he trying to fuck with my head, or is he sincerely just interested to see how I'm doing? I guess I'll never know until I ask him, which you and I both know I'm not gonna do unless I absolutly have to. I'm trying to maintain as much of a communication gap as possible until his true intentions are revealed. That's the safest thing I can do for myself becuse I'm not EVEN down for having to go down there because his wife is bugging or whatever. I live my life as drama free as possible, so I really don't need the aggrivation.
Well, loves, that's all for now. Had to get that out lol. I hope you all have a great one.
Besitos de mi corazon (Kisses from my heart),
Toni
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