#LifeLesson: Every Cloud Has A Sliver Lining

Hello my loves!

I'm not quite sure where to start today. There's so much info to share and such a story that it's all kinda bleeding together, so please bear with me as I'm clearly losing my mind lol.

Okay so, y'all remember my post from yesterday, right? The one that said CSE had found my son's deadbeat ass dad. Well, as they say, the plot thickens. That shit is so thick you need a knife to cut through it. I got some information today that had me in such a rage that I could barely breathe. I'm still highly pissed off, but I'm using my head now instead of working off emotion alone.

I found out some information about my son's dad this morning that I NEVER would've expected. Not only is he married now, but he has a 7 month old daughter and owns a tattoo shop in the city where his family is from in Alabama. Now, here's a little twist: He and I aren't technically divorced. We've lived apart for the past 7 years, but since I couldn't afford a divorce and he clearly wasn't gonna pay for it, it never got done. So, not only is he a deadbeat dad, he's a polygamist as well. To say that I almost passed out when I heard is a gross understatement. I literally almost screamed on the train after I read the message. The shock I experienced was palpable. I was so angry that I didn't even feel cold while I walked to my office from the train. THAT'S how pissed off I was.

I don't care that he has a new wife. In fact, I pity her because she clearly doesn't really know Ryan like she thinks she does. I'd bet money she has no idea that Ryan's already married and has an 8 year old son. Initially, I was gonna send her a nice little message, but I know it would do more harm than good. Y'all already know I don't really give too much of a damn about people's feelings, so that's not why I didn't expose that polygamist husband of hers. I said nothing to her because that will give him a chance to try and run to avoid what's about to go down, and I'm not gonna give him that chance. I'm gonna win this battle trust and believe it.

Turns out that he and the new wife have been together for 4 years and just got married in October. They co-own the tattoo shop (Deep South Tattoos in Cullman, Alabama) and all that shit. Well, I hope they've enjoyed it because that joint is about to be called Toni's Tattoos. I"m turning him in to the feds for being a polygamist. Not because I want him back (excuse me while I puke at the mere thought), but because I want him to suffer. I want his whole life to crash down before his very eyes. I want him to know what it's like to be backed into a fucking corner and have to pick up the pieces to his shattered epic fail of a life.

I looked at pics of his daughter, and she's really cute. She looks a lot like D did as a little one. That almost makes it worse, you know? I hate that he's been able to hide his past from his wife like that. I don't care about him, or her too much to be honest. I feel bad for his daughter and for D. They don't even know one another. D's always telling me he wants a sibling, and to know he has one that he may never get to meet pisses me off to no end.

Like I've said, I plan to go out there, but I'm not gonna kill him or anything. I just wanna see the look on his face when I walk into the tattoo shop, you know? I wanna see the look of fear and surprise in his eyes. I wanna hear him start to stutter when his wife asks him what's wrong and if he knows me or some shit. He's a great actor, but not THAT good. He should've remembered that fucking with me the wrong way is bad for your health. I hope when he gets locked up they ass rape him until he can't even sit. I hope they make him the bitch that I already know he is. I'm always turnt up, y'all know that, but I'm on a whole new level right now.

Well, let me get back to work. Please feel free to comment on here or on my Facebook or Twitter. Oh, and if you wanna take the trip with me to Alabama, just let me know.

Con Amor,
Toni

#LifeLessons: Being the Bigger Person Sucks Like A Whore Sometimes

Hello, my loves!

I know it's been a crazy long time, so let's skip the backtracking and get right into it. So, I fond out today that Child Support Enforcement thinks that they've found Ryan, Dominic's raggedy ass father that hasn't seen or talked to his son since D was 13 months old. Initially, of course, I was happy to hear the news. However, as time has passed, I'm beginning to have all sorts of mixed emotions, anger being the most prevelent. That leads us to the title of this blog. Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, take it easy, and not totally lose my shit on this dude. While I appreciate where it's coming from, I don't wanna hear that shit right now. All I care about at this very moment is that, while I've sturggled to make a life for me & D, this raggedy motherfucker has been in Alabama and Florida living it up.

Ryan doesn't even claim his son. He told this bitch that D's name that's tatted on his arm was a soldier he fought with that died in Afghanistan. See the shit I'm talking about? This asshat doesn't even claim Dominic, much less acknowledge his existence. MEanwhile, Dominic asked me once 'Mommy, is my Daddy dead or alive?' 'He's alive, baby.' 'Why doesn't he call or visit me?' 'I don't know, baby.' This is the shit I deal with while Mr. I'm a Cocksucker is out living the life.

I know it's not good to wish death or anything on another person, but I truly hate him. I've never actually hated someone before, much less this strongly and passionately. I'm a Leo, so you already know I'm always fired up. I put up with a lot of shit from him while we were together. I almost lost my son because Ryan cheated on me and gave me an STD that sent me into premature labor. Luckily, it was cureable, but still. My child could have DIED, you dig?

So, when y'all tell me to be easy or be the bigger person, excuse me if it's not something I wanna hear. I don't give a good got damn about too much of shit in this life other than my son and my family. I know that it's coming from the love you have for me & D, and I truly appreciate that love. But seriously, sometimes I'm not ranting on Twitter and Facebook looking for advice or to be calmed down. Sometimes, I'm just kirking off and venting so that I can go out into the world without shooting folks from a rooftop some damn where.

Yes, I know murder is a capital offense and brings life in prison. If I didn't know that, I woulda been tried to find that cock sucker and ended his epic fail of a life. If my son's well-being wasn't my #1 concern, I'd already be serving a sentence, so don't come at me telling me how to feel or how to react. If I say I wanna kick his ass, then that's how I feel. If you can't deal with me and my aggression, leave me the fuck alone. I have no time or patience for being told how to live my life and behave. Yeah, I know I'm better than this ans that and all that shit, but let me sink low for a minute shit. Let me, just this once, kirk off without having to hear a fucking lecture. My own mama doesn't even tell me no shit like that, so why would I take it from y'all?!

I don't want this to sound like I don't love you guys,because that's totally not the case. I love all of you, and put on my gangsta grill for y'all whenver you need me to, so why can't I get the same? Why is it that when I say I'm gonna hurt someone, I get the 'Calm down, Toni' bullshit until y'all need me to get gutter for y'all. Then it's cool that I'll fight a bitch, or a dude cuz y'all know I fight guys too, when it's for you. I can't deal with that shit.

At the end of the day, I just want to be treated like I treat others. I'm not saying I wanna fuck YOU up, so what's the big fucking deal?! I'mt tired of always being the adult, the bigger person and shit. It's already common knowledge that I'm not a nice girl, so why do people come at me and expect me to behave like I am. I'm not one for faking and shit. This is me, y'all. All the craziness and shit, that's me too, so you have two choices. You can either just let me fucking be unless I ask for you to do otherwise, or get the fuck outta my life.

Always,

Toni

#PrincessApproved: Mac Marz - 'Wolf Among Sheep'

A while back, my #CompoundMusic homie Mac Marz released his mixtape 'Wolf Among Sheep'. To say this something you need in your life would be a gross understatement. 'Get Em' is definitely one of my favorite tracks off the mixtape.

Now, y'all know I don't endorse too many people, so for me to endorse Mac you know I truly am feeling it. You can download it here: http://themacmarz.bandcamp.com/album/wolf-among-sheep

Nominate #TeamIBGC for Promo Team of the Year!

Head over to http://thefablife.com/ and vote Team IBGC as DC's Promotional Team of the Year!

VOTE HERE: http://thefabempire.com/the-fab-awards/.

#IBGCEvent: Hip-Hop 4 Tots

The International Bad Girls Club & Radio On-Air Host EZ Street Team up For ‘Hip Hop 4 Tots’ Artist Showcase &Toy Drive

Live Performances by DMV Super Stars!






Washington, DC. (December 6, 2010) – On December 23rd The International Bad Girls Club (The IBGC) and Radio Host EZ Street host “Hip Hop 4 Tots” Artist Showcase and holiday toy drive at Pure Lounge. Hip Hop 4 Tots is in conjunction with EZ Street’s nonprofit Creative Solutions 4 Youth Inc.


The toys donated at event benefit the Family Ties Project a program providing services to families affected by HIV/AIDS by helping parents and caregivers plan for the future care of their children.


“We are so happy to lend our high-quality event image enhancement and promotional skills to support this wonderful event and showcasing of very talented DMV hip-hop artists” says Jennifer Hampton a UDC Law student & IBGC member who worked with the Family Ties Project.






Performing at this must attend event/toy drive are DMV super stars: Lola Monroe, Phil Ade, One way Boobe, Judah on the Beat, Bear Witnez, Dagga, Mista 40, Nu the Mayor, Whitefolkz and more! Guests attending this event receive FREE admission when they bring an unwrapped toy or book. Doors open at 7:30 pm. Pure Lounge is located at 1326 U Street, NW.






“While HIV/AIDS infects individuals it affects entire families and communities, your generous gifts to The Family Ties Project will bring joy and happiness to children and youth and lighten the burden for these affected families during the holiday season!” says Sally Altland, Project Director for the Family Ties Project.






Media inquiries regarding this event should be directed to Shar’ron Antoinette (Pretty Gyrl PR), Chief Branding Officer for The IBGC at sharron.walker@gmail.com /202.390.9303.

The IBGC Presents A Night of 1000 Stars

The International Bad Girls Club Presents a Night of a Thousand Stars - A Fashion and Music Extravaganza



(Washington, DC) – On August 28, 2010 from 5-7 p.m., The International Bad Girls Club presents a Night of a Thousand Stars - A fashion and music extravaganza spotlighting stars of DC, Maryland and Virginia sponsored by Hennesy Black and Mercedes Benz. Taking place at The U.S. Navy Memorial,this event will be a fashion show with live entertainment from some of the areas hottest talent. Event hosts inculde 2 Face Ya Wild Boy and The Funk Regulator DJ Celo. Slated performers include Rated R, Judah, Likeblood, Whitefolkz and, Jay Mills. More artists will be announced. All clothing worn by models will be representative of local designers.The IBGC is dedicated to giving back to the community and non-profit organizations, therefore a portion of the proceeds from this event will be donated to Autism Speaks, a charity for Autistic children.


The cost for advanced general admission tickets is $20 and $30 for VIP seating. General admission tickets will be available for purchase the day of the event. Tickets will be available for purchase from any IBGC member or by emailing internationalbadgirls@gmail.com.



The U.S. Navy Memorial is located off the Archives/Navy Memorial stop on Metro’s green line, 701 Pennsylvania Ave., N.W., Washington, DC 20004.



About Autism Speaks


We are dedicated to funding global biomedical research into the causes, prevention, treatments and cure for autism, to raising public awareness about autism and its effects on individuals, families, and society; and to bringing hope to all who deal with the hardships of this disorder. We are committed to raising the funds necessary to support these goals. Autism Speaks aims to bring the autism community together as one strong voice to urge the government and private sector to listen to our concerns and take action to address this urgent global health crisis. It is our firm belief that, working together, we will find the missing pieces of the puzzle. Autism speaks. It's time to listen. Learn more at http://www.autismspeaks.org/.



About IBGC


The International Bad Girls Club (IBGC) is a diverse group of women with chapters across the country who are dedicated to fostering sisterhood, encouraging personal development, and contributing to their community while being the life of the party. They perform event image enhancement, host upscale club event and VIP parties as well as community service affairs; all with professionalism and sophistication. Learn more at http://theibgc.blogspot.com and follow them on Twitter www.Twitter.com/TheIBGC

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Press Contact


Candice Coleman


Think Brown INK


240-229-1075


events@thinkbrownink.com

Remembering Michael Jackson: One Year Later

One year ago today, we lost the biggest icon in musical history. He was bigger than Elvis. Bigger than Jay-Z. Bigger than his own image. Michael Jackson, whether you agree with how he chose to live his life or fed into the crazy rumors, was no doubt a musical genius. The impact he made on music and fashion is timeless. His style will never be mirrored successfully, no matter how hard these newbies try. His influence can be felt and heard on so many tracks out today it isn't funny.



Michael Jackson was the first entertainer I developed a crush on. I remember being a child looking at the Thriller picture album my father had (that I inherited in his passing) thinking, 'Wow he's gorgeous!' Micheal had such an endearing quality about him that came across in every photograph. 'Thriller' was the first music video I ever saw, and it changed me forever. Michael made MOVIES, not just music videos. From 'Billie Jean' to 'Beat It', the videos from the Thriller album made me fall even deeper 'in love' with Michael.

When he was burned shooting that Pepsi commercial, you should have seen the chaos in my house. My mother & I were glued to the television, praying like he was a member of our family for his safety and well-being. That's how it was with Michael. Every person felt like they knew him personally. He gave out so much love in his music that it was hard to resist him. When he waved to the cameras as he was being out into the ambulance, I cried tears of relief to see that he wasn't too badly hurt. That's the impact he made on me even then, and I didn't know half as much about music as I do know.



My favorite MJ album is probably Dangerous because that's when I was growing into a woman and could really relate to the music. I will say, however, that Bad was a DOPE ass album too!! 'Liberian Girl' still makes me cry to this day! When MJ sang a love song, you could feel every beat of his heart in each lyric and transition. But 'Remember the Time' from the Dangerous album may be one of my all-time favorite MJ videos EVER! The fact he had icons such as Iman in it alone made it dope, but the way he turned into gold dust had my ass SWOONING! And that dance sequence at the end?! It just doesn't get much better than that for me. The whole album was full of hotness. To this day, it stands out as my fave MJ album.




I could go on and on about his many accomplishments, but that would take all day. Since my father passed earlier this year, it's given me some peace of mind to imagine him in Heaven playing the drums (which he did his whole life) in the band with greats like Michael, James Brown (my dad's musical hero), and all of the greats we've lost recently. I picture the two of them laughing and hanging out together, jamming out as my dad used to say lol. When I heard that Michael passed, I was in a state of shock. At the time, I was blogging heavy for EZ Street and he called to tell me to watch the news because they had taken MJ to the hospital. When I saw the reports, it took all I had not to totally collapse. When Jermaine announced to the world that MJ had, in fact, left us, I sobbed. I cried like I had lost a member of my family. I cried like I did at my father's funeral. I felt like, the one constant musically in my life had left, leaving me raw and devastated. Luckily, I had blogging to help me pour my emotions into. I couldn't even call my mother when I heard the news because I knew she'd be a wreck. See, she literally grew up watching MJ grow from a boy to a man, so she felt a kind of attachment to him that I just couldn't understand.

My son, Dominic, has taken the helm as the resident MJ expert in my family. He portrayed MJ in his school play, and knows all of his songs. He tries to moonwalk. If he sees someone doing an MJ move wrong, he gets in his feelings and jumps to correct them. It gives me life seeing him love MJ as much as I did at his age. He understands the legacy MJ left behind and wants to keep it going. We don't discuss the negative about MJ, because he hears that enough on tv. At the end of the day, it's all about the love. The love MJ gave us for music. The love we have for him.

Michael, we miss you. Music will never be the same without you. No one will ever be able to make us feel the way you did when you took the stage. There will never be another as great as you, no matter how hard they try. We will watch your children grow and wonder if any or all will follow in your footsteps and take to the stage. We will watch your brothers and sisters continue to live and wonder how they make it though when so many of us are still so devastated. We will keep your legacy alive by teaching our children, nieces, nephews about who you were as a humanitarian and musician. We will tell them that, no matter what the world says, that you were great. We will continue to crank your songs all the way up and attempt to moonwalk. We'll live life 'Off the Wall' and promise not to stop til we get enough. We'll 'Remember the Time' when we fell in love and tell 'Dirty Diana' and 'Billie Jean' to 'Beat It' if they disrespect your name. We 'Just Can't Stop Loving You', MJ.

Con todo mi corazon,
Toni