The Princess' Song of the Day

Good morning, my loves! Today's SOTD is ;You've Changed' by Keyshia Cole. Those of you that are my friends on Facebook know that I do a SOTD just about every day, so I figured I'd start posting it on my blog as well. I'm getting back into my groove slowly but surely.
 
Anyway, today's pick is a song that's always been dear to my heart. Not to say I'm a huge K.C. fan, but her first album is definitely one of my faves. This song has always made me think about the people in my life, whether it's a romantic relationship or otherwise. If you think about the premise of the song, it makes sense.
 
In the song, Keyshia's saying how the guy she's engaged to got some money and totally flipped the script, started acting different and neglecting her, so she had to bounce. How many of us have been in that same position with a person? You love them dearly, romantically or platonically, would do and have done everything to make things work, but they get ahead in some way and start acting brand the fuck new? And when I say 'get ahead', it doesn't have to be monetarily. Sometimes, folks start running in a new circle or get a little popular for whatever reason and they begin to think their shit doesn't stink.
 
Or, sometimes, folks grow and become people that you never imagined they would. That's the part that's always hard for me to accept. I mean, I know that people grow and change and all that, but when you change in such a way that it makes you unrecognizable to those that have been closest to you, that's a problem. What makes it worse is when people make these drastic changes and then expect you to tolerate the fuckery. Well, I'm not the one for that shit believe that. If you become someone I don't know or like, fuck I look like dealing with it?!
 
I have a friend that I've known since high school. We're still cool, but they've become someone that Ifind myself wanting to punch in the face from time to time. Not because I don't love them, because when I say this person means the world to me, I mean it, but becauseI just can't deal with some of teh bullshit they do. They've become a person that is so emotionally detached, it's like talking to a brick wall sometimes, you know? They went thru some stuff, just like the rest of us, but they chose to turn their heart to stone rather than accept what happened and take the lesson. Now, to get them to admit how they feel about anything deeper than a song on the radio is like pulling teeth. Of course, I know everyone isn't as open emotionally as I am, but damn, you can't be a statue expecting warmth from others to give you life, you know? That shit blows my life because this person could have love like they've never experienced before if they would just get the fuck over the hurts from the past and open their heart.
 
Well anyway, rant over lol. Let me get this poem finished so I can post that next. I hope y'all have a great one and remember: While you may feel change is an unavoidable part of life, know you have control over the extremity of the changes you make to yourself and your surroundings.
 
Con Todo De Mi Corazon (With All My Heart),
Toni

From The Mind of the Princess....

INNER THOUGHTS

The look in your eyes lets me know

That the time for talking’s passed.

We both know what the deal is.

No questions need to be asked.

You know you want me

And I know I want you.

We’re both here now.

Just say what I know you wanna do.

Your arms feel so good around me

It’s making me a little weak.

My body’s telling you everything

I can’t find the words to speak.

With every kiss I feel myself

Losing more and more control.

You’re kissing me like you’re

Trying to steal my soul.

The way you’re touching me

Is quickly making me lose it.

All this pre-game is cool,

But I’m ready for the main event.

I know you’re used to running the show,

Women that just lay back and take it.

Well, that’s about to change, love.

Let a bad girl show you how a real woman does it.

C’mon baby, let me give you

What we both know you need.

I know you’ve heard that before,

But I’m the one to believe.

Clothes are flying everywhere,

The room’s getting hotter by the minute.

If it’s feeling this good now, I can

Only imagine how it’ll feel when you’re in it.

There’s a four alarm blaze going in here

And you’re just adding fuel to the flames.

Neither of us it calling 9-1-1,

Just each other’s names.

I’ve heard you talk about other bitches,

But those bitches don’t matter.

They might be hot and shit

But we both know I’m hotter.

As you lay there I’m hoping,

My secrets won’t get out.

Keep this on the hush.

I’m not one to share my inner thoughts.

-Toni D. Cabrera 2011

#LifeLesson: Every Cloud Has A Sliver Lining

Hello my loves!

I'm not quite sure where to start today. There's so much info to share and such a story that it's all kinda bleeding together, so please bear with me as I'm clearly losing my mind lol.

Okay so, y'all remember my post from yesterday, right? The one that said CSE had found my son's deadbeat ass dad. Well, as they say, the plot thickens. That shit is so thick you need a knife to cut through it. I got some information today that had me in such a rage that I could barely breathe. I'm still highly pissed off, but I'm using my head now instead of working off emotion alone.

I found out some information about my son's dad this morning that I NEVER would've expected. Not only is he married now, but he has a 7 month old daughter and owns a tattoo shop in the city where his family is from in Alabama. Now, here's a little twist: He and I aren't technically divorced. We've lived apart for the past 7 years, but since I couldn't afford a divorce and he clearly wasn't gonna pay for it, it never got done. So, not only is he a deadbeat dad, he's a polygamist as well. To say that I almost passed out when I heard is a gross understatement. I literally almost screamed on the train after I read the message. The shock I experienced was palpable. I was so angry that I didn't even feel cold while I walked to my office from the train. THAT'S how pissed off I was.

I don't care that he has a new wife. In fact, I pity her because she clearly doesn't really know Ryan like she thinks she does. I'd bet money she has no idea that Ryan's already married and has an 8 year old son. Initially, I was gonna send her a nice little message, but I know it would do more harm than good. Y'all already know I don't really give too much of a damn about people's feelings, so that's not why I didn't expose that polygamist husband of hers. I said nothing to her because that will give him a chance to try and run to avoid what's about to go down, and I'm not gonna give him that chance. I'm gonna win this battle trust and believe it.

Turns out that he and the new wife have been together for 4 years and just got married in October. They co-own the tattoo shop (Deep South Tattoos in Cullman, Alabama) and all that shit. Well, I hope they've enjoyed it because that joint is about to be called Toni's Tattoos. I"m turning him in to the feds for being a polygamist. Not because I want him back (excuse me while I puke at the mere thought), but because I want him to suffer. I want his whole life to crash down before his very eyes. I want him to know what it's like to be backed into a fucking corner and have to pick up the pieces to his shattered epic fail of a life.

I looked at pics of his daughter, and she's really cute. She looks a lot like D did as a little one. That almost makes it worse, you know? I hate that he's been able to hide his past from his wife like that. I don't care about him, or her too much to be honest. I feel bad for his daughter and for D. They don't even know one another. D's always telling me he wants a sibling, and to know he has one that he may never get to meet pisses me off to no end.

Like I've said, I plan to go out there, but I'm not gonna kill him or anything. I just wanna see the look on his face when I walk into the tattoo shop, you know? I wanna see the look of fear and surprise in his eyes. I wanna hear him start to stutter when his wife asks him what's wrong and if he knows me or some shit. He's a great actor, but not THAT good. He should've remembered that fucking with me the wrong way is bad for your health. I hope when he gets locked up they ass rape him until he can't even sit. I hope they make him the bitch that I already know he is. I'm always turnt up, y'all know that, but I'm on a whole new level right now.

Well, let me get back to work. Please feel free to comment on here or on my Facebook or Twitter. Oh, and if you wanna take the trip with me to Alabama, just let me know.

Con Amor,
Toni

#LifeLessons: Being the Bigger Person Sucks Like A Whore Sometimes

Hello, my loves!

I know it's been a crazy long time, so let's skip the backtracking and get right into it. So, I fond out today that Child Support Enforcement thinks that they've found Ryan, Dominic's raggedy ass father that hasn't seen or talked to his son since D was 13 months old. Initially, of course, I was happy to hear the news. However, as time has passed, I'm beginning to have all sorts of mixed emotions, anger being the most prevelent. That leads us to the title of this blog. Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, take it easy, and not totally lose my shit on this dude. While I appreciate where it's coming from, I don't wanna hear that shit right now. All I care about at this very moment is that, while I've sturggled to make a life for me & D, this raggedy motherfucker has been in Alabama and Florida living it up.

Ryan doesn't even claim his son. He told this bitch that D's name that's tatted on his arm was a soldier he fought with that died in Afghanistan. See the shit I'm talking about? This asshat doesn't even claim Dominic, much less acknowledge his existence. MEanwhile, Dominic asked me once 'Mommy, is my Daddy dead or alive?' 'He's alive, baby.' 'Why doesn't he call or visit me?' 'I don't know, baby.' This is the shit I deal with while Mr. I'm a Cocksucker is out living the life.

I know it's not good to wish death or anything on another person, but I truly hate him. I've never actually hated someone before, much less this strongly and passionately. I'm a Leo, so you already know I'm always fired up. I put up with a lot of shit from him while we were together. I almost lost my son because Ryan cheated on me and gave me an STD that sent me into premature labor. Luckily, it was cureable, but still. My child could have DIED, you dig?

So, when y'all tell me to be easy or be the bigger person, excuse me if it's not something I wanna hear. I don't give a good got damn about too much of shit in this life other than my son and my family. I know that it's coming from the love you have for me & D, and I truly appreciate that love. But seriously, sometimes I'm not ranting on Twitter and Facebook looking for advice or to be calmed down. Sometimes, I'm just kirking off and venting so that I can go out into the world without shooting folks from a rooftop some damn where.

Yes, I know murder is a capital offense and brings life in prison. If I didn't know that, I woulda been tried to find that cock sucker and ended his epic fail of a life. If my son's well-being wasn't my #1 concern, I'd already be serving a sentence, so don't come at me telling me how to feel or how to react. If I say I wanna kick his ass, then that's how I feel. If you can't deal with me and my aggression, leave me the fuck alone. I have no time or patience for being told how to live my life and behave. Yeah, I know I'm better than this ans that and all that shit, but let me sink low for a minute shit. Let me, just this once, kirk off without having to hear a fucking lecture. My own mama doesn't even tell me no shit like that, so why would I take it from y'all?!

I don't want this to sound like I don't love you guys,because that's totally not the case. I love all of you, and put on my gangsta grill for y'all whenver you need me to, so why can't I get the same? Why is it that when I say I'm gonna hurt someone, I get the 'Calm down, Toni' bullshit until y'all need me to get gutter for y'all. Then it's cool that I'll fight a bitch, or a dude cuz y'all know I fight guys too, when it's for you. I can't deal with that shit.

At the end of the day, I just want to be treated like I treat others. I'm not saying I wanna fuck YOU up, so what's the big fucking deal?! I'mt tired of always being the adult, the bigger person and shit. It's already common knowledge that I'm not a nice girl, so why do people come at me and expect me to behave like I am. I'm not one for faking and shit. This is me, y'all. All the craziness and shit, that's me too, so you have two choices. You can either just let me fucking be unless I ask for you to do otherwise, or get the fuck outta my life.

Always,

Toni

#PrincessApproved: Mac Marz - 'Wolf Among Sheep'

A while back, my #CompoundMusic homie Mac Marz released his mixtape 'Wolf Among Sheep'. To say this something you need in your life would be a gross understatement. 'Get Em' is definitely one of my favorite tracks off the mixtape.

Now, y'all know I don't endorse too many people, so for me to endorse Mac you know I truly am feeling it. You can download it here: http://themacmarz.bandcamp.com/album/wolf-among-sheep

Nominate #TeamIBGC for Promo Team of the Year!

Head over to http://thefablife.com/ and vote Team IBGC as DC's Promotional Team of the Year!

VOTE HERE: http://thefabempire.com/the-fab-awards/.

#IBGCEvent: Hip-Hop 4 Tots

The International Bad Girls Club & Radio On-Air Host EZ Street Team up For ‘Hip Hop 4 Tots’ Artist Showcase &Toy Drive

Live Performances by DMV Super Stars!






Washington, DC. (December 6, 2010) – On December 23rd The International Bad Girls Club (The IBGC) and Radio Host EZ Street host “Hip Hop 4 Tots” Artist Showcase and holiday toy drive at Pure Lounge. Hip Hop 4 Tots is in conjunction with EZ Street’s nonprofit Creative Solutions 4 Youth Inc.


The toys donated at event benefit the Family Ties Project a program providing services to families affected by HIV/AIDS by helping parents and caregivers plan for the future care of their children.


“We are so happy to lend our high-quality event image enhancement and promotional skills to support this wonderful event and showcasing of very talented DMV hip-hop artists” says Jennifer Hampton a UDC Law student & IBGC member who worked with the Family Ties Project.






Performing at this must attend event/toy drive are DMV super stars: Lola Monroe, Phil Ade, One way Boobe, Judah on the Beat, Bear Witnez, Dagga, Mista 40, Nu the Mayor, Whitefolkz and more! Guests attending this event receive FREE admission when they bring an unwrapped toy or book. Doors open at 7:30 pm. Pure Lounge is located at 1326 U Street, NW.






“While HIV/AIDS infects individuals it affects entire families and communities, your generous gifts to The Family Ties Project will bring joy and happiness to children and youth and lighten the burden for these affected families during the holiday season!” says Sally Altland, Project Director for the Family Ties Project.






Media inquiries regarding this event should be directed to Shar’ron Antoinette (Pretty Gyrl PR), Chief Branding Officer for The IBGC at sharron.walker@gmail.com /202.390.9303.