Some Morning Funny: Ray Lipowski

Good morning my loves! I figured since I posted my girl Bangs' video yesterday, I'd give you guys another bit of comedy. Today, I'm Giving y'all a set by one of my favorite comedians, Ray Lipowski. I first got exposed to Ray via the clip you're watching now. This clip is his set from his appearance on Martin Lawerence's 1st Amendment Stand-Up show. You can follow Ray on Twitter as well (www.twitter.com/RayLipowski) for more comedy from him.

The Comedy: Big Boobs vs Spagetti Straps

Hey hey hey!! I had to post this video blog (Vlog) for you guys. It comes all the way from England via my favorite British babe Bangs and a Bun. I've been reading her blog for a while now, so I finally decided to share the comedy with you guys. Be sure to go show her some love either at her blog (http://bangsandabun.com/) or on Twitter (www.twitter.com/bangsandabun). 

Besitos,
Toni

Toni-ism #4: Don't Dwell on What You Can't Change

Hey there, loves! I haven't posted a Toni-ism in a minute, so I figured today's as good a day as any to rectify that. Today's goes back with me as far as I can remember. I've always believed that dwelling and holding onto things that you can't change only hinders your growth as a person. Besides, why keep being upset over something when you can't make the outcome any different?

So often, we as humans find ourselves getting all pissed off or whatever appropriate emotion we feel when something happens. It can be an argument with a friend or loved one, or some dumb shit that happened at work. Regardless of what the circumstances are, we all have found ourselves in the position more than once where our anger/sadness/irritation with a situation or the behavior of another person somewhat consumes our thoughts. Rather than living and progressing, you find yourself stuck in a state of immobility. All you can do is think of and talk about how much what happened has you bent outta shape.

Of course, it's good and healthy to vent about it and talk to your friends about what's eating away at you. But, as some point, you have to let it go and move on. Holding onto all those feelings of anger and resentment are doing nothing to help the situation at the end of the day. Whomever it was still made you mad, still did what they did, and, in most cases, aren't sitting around thinking, 'Damn, I really messed up. Let me call/text/email them and make it right' because, just as you feel justified in your feelings, they feel so in theirs.

Emotions are a tricky thing. While no one can control the emotions of another or how they choose to act upon said feelings, we can control how we let it affect us. Sometimes it's hard for us to see past the situation and see the bigger picture, especially when the person we're in the situation with is a close friend or family member. When you love someone, it makes the emotions you feel about the situation ten times stronger, whether they be good feelings or bad ones.

At the end of the day, you have to let go and stop focusing on shit we can't change. Usually, as mad as you are at whomever, they're twice as uninterested in how you're feeling. Why give someone that much power and control over you and your emotions? If they were that concerned with how you're feeling about whatever went down, they would've contacted you. When dealing with situations at work, the best thing to do is just avoid them and keep it moving. I will admit that, when it comes to my coworkers, it's hard for me sometimes to just let the foolishness roll off my back. If I went off and wallowed in the frustration and bullshit every single time some shady stuff happened in here, I would not only have gotten fired, but who knows what else fooling with these saltines up in here.

Of course, there are circumstances that we find ourselves in that make it extra hard not to dwell. I know fo rme, one of those times was recently when my father passed. Part of me wanted to just lock myself in my room with my iPod and some green and just stay there forever. I stopped speaking to my friends and stuff. I was allowing my despair and sorrow to consume and paralyze me. Of course, I'm not over him passing by any means, but I have stopped dwelling in the sadness of it. I couldn't live like my dad always told me to by standing still. I still miss and think of him daily, but I don't let my sadness over his death stop me from living anymore.

And that, my loves, is the lesson to be learned. Of coure, we as humans are gonna get caught in our feelings when someone hurts us or whatever, but disappointment and pain are a part of life, just like joy and success. Rather than living in the past, I live for the future. Instead of dwelling on what I can't change, I look toward my future and remember that this life I"ve been given isn't going to last forever. So, I feel like there's no point in wasting what time I have left here worrying about something or someone that I can't change.

As I always say, I don't claim to be an expert on anything. I just know what has worked for me, what hasn't, and what I'm still trying to figure out. I do know that, no matter what or who it is, I won't allow someone to have power over how I feel about myself. I find that when you think about how much someone has hurt you or pissed you off, you end up looking inward and asking What's wrong with me for them to treat me this way/this to happen. Of course, that's natural. But, when you focus all of your energy on that rather than the things you have control over, you slip into a downward spiral of self-doubt and, sometimes, even self-loathing. I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel like I'm less of a person, regardless of what I have contributed to teh situation. If I'm in the wrong, I'll say so, but I'm not gonna sit here and slit my wrists just because something happened I had no control over.

At the end of the day, loves, this is YOUR life. Hanging onto old shit and living in the past holds your future back. That's why we all want to PROGRESS in life, not DIGRESS (go back). Dwelling on what you can't change or control also blocks the joys of the present from being enjoyed. As my friend always tells me, God brings joy to the joyful.

Con Mucho Amor,
Toni

Things Are Looking Up

So much has been going on the past few months, I've barely had time to breathe, much less update you guys, hence this post. So, take a seat and relax while I fill you in.

Of course, firstly, I want to thank everyone that has been holding me up while I dealt with the passing of my father earlier this year. It's crazy to me that so many folks care so much about me. You never really know that until a situation presents itsself to either confirm or deny this. I am truly grateful for all of the texts, phone calls, emails, IMs and tweets I received offering shoulders to cry on and arms to embrace. You guys are truly amazing and I love you for it.

Okay, now onto the business side of things. I went through a funk when my father passed and just totally stopped writing. I just didn't have it in me at that time. Well, your girl is defintiely back in effect now. I just did a bunch of interviews for the May issue of Street Report Magazine that became available Mother's Day weekend. One of the people I interviewed was Trina and I must say, she's a lot cooler than one would anticipate. I also interviewed Rasheeda, the Boss Bitch of The A. She's truly dope and epitomizes the term Boss Bitch. There's more, but you're gonna have to get the issue to find out what :)

Also, I am now doing the entertainment report on my homeboy Hollywood's radio show, The Hangout, on http://www.hollywood-hangout.net/ every Monday thru Friday at 2:30 & 3:30. We call my segment The Scoop and during it, I basically read the hottest gossip stories and me & Hollywood discuss each one after I read it. I also highlight local artists and independents that I think the world need to know about. I really love working with Hollywood. Not just because he's one of my closest and dearest friends, but because I love what we're doing. We even got an exclusive a couple weeks ago that, as soon as I have the audio, I will be posting for you guys.

And where will it be posted you may ask? No, not on here. Like I've always said, this is my PERSONAL blog, so no business goes on here. That brings me to the next thing I got cooking. In about two weeks, your girl will be doing a weekly column called 'Toni's Take' on http://www.hiphopjunkiez.com/ FTW! This is a big deal for me, as I've never had my own column before. Toni's Take will be pretty much a combination and culmination of all of the blogging work I've been doing over the past couple of years. I'll be doing a little of everything in it. Of course, I'll be dishing the hottest celebrity dirt, but on a weekly basis and with my own spin on the news; kind of like a week in review type of deal. Also, I'll be talking about fashion and even giving a little advice, so y'all stay close and I'll let you know once it launches. I'm so excited about this, y'all.

Finally, like I said in my previous post, I'm a member of the IBGC (International Bad Girls Club) and we're taking over the DMV one party at a time. We held our first event, The Bad Girls Takeover, at K. Street Lounge here in DC last month and it was an epic scene to say the least. We're working on making it a monthly thing, so if you couldn't attend don't worry. Likeblood was in the house for our first event, so you don't wanna miss the next one. You never know who you're gonna run into when you're chilling with the Bad Girls :)

My personal life is pretty much the same as it's always been. Dominic is still the only man in my life that means anything, although he's testing the waters a little bit. But, he's a bad boy like his mama is a bad girl, so what else could I expect?

Like the image on this post says, life is about CREATING yourself. I can honestly say that, at age 29, I am finally creating the Toni that I want to be and will let nothing stand in my way. That's all for now, lovies.

Besos,
Toni

The Definition of a Bad Girl

Hey world!! That's right, The Princess is back! *allows applause to end* I know, it's been far too long. After Dad passed, your girl was really messed up for a while, but I'm back and ready to bring you all you missed.

Now, for those of you that have been keeping up with me on Twitter, you know that I am part of a group of women that call ourselves the International Bad Girls Club. We're made up of some of the most amazing women in the DMV. We hosted our first of many Bad Girls Takeover events at K. Street Lounge last month, so be sure you stay close to me to attend the next one. Of course, as with anything, there are some that consider themselves Bad Girls that really arent. So, I'm gonna lay out what I consider the definition of a Bad Girl to be. As always, the statements to follow are my personal views and not those of anyone else.

We've all seen the show Bad Girls Club on Oxygen at least once. Please don't get ti twisted by thinking that what you've witnessed on television is what a Bad Girl truly is, because that's not the case. As with most reality shows, they are the extreme examples and display more of the negative traits than the positive. In real life, most Bad Girls aren't getting into fights every single day and out sleeping with any guy they come across just for some money or some notoriety. That's groupie/basic bitch stuff, so please don't confuse them with real Bad Girls.

Real Bad Girls know how to act. I'm not gonna show my ass at work like you see these chickens doing on tv becuase I have bills to pay and a shopping habit that requires me to stay employed. A true Bad Girl has her priorities in order and isn't going to do anything to jeopardize the lifestyle she has made for herself. She's not gonna act an ass and risk everything, unless there is a highly justifiable reason in her mind.

The Bad Girls I know are all beautiful, of course, but not just physically. They also have beautiful spirits and personalities. They're not the catty psycho bitches that the tv show makes Bad Girls out to be. Bad Girls aren't always bitchy either, shunning those that aren't as 'bad' as them, contrary to popular belief. I know I'm cool with all kinds of people. Not because I keep people around me to make myself look 'better', but because a truly Bad Girl is the type of girl everyone wants to be around and she loves to be the star of the show.

Don't get it twisted though. Although a true Bad Girl may not always be snapping or fighting, she will if she has to do so to protect herself or those she loves. A Bad Girl makes it known from day one that she isn't about the bullshit and the fuckery. If you violate or cross the line, be prepared to feel the full extent of her wrath, whether it becomes physical or not. She stands up for what she belives in and, most importantly, she stands up for herself. She's not afraid to let you know anything, so you can safely assume that if you fuck up, she's gonna make it public knowledge. She's not petty with it though. She will only put you out there if you have done something to corss or offend her, so, like I always say, tread lightly.

Probably the most noticable trait of a Bad Girl that sets her apart from 'regular' girls is that she does whatever she chooses to and asks for no one's permission or acceptance. She lives by her own rules. If she wants to chill with a guy, she does it, but without compromising her own views, values and self-respect. That's where REAL Bad Girls differ from those you've seen on tv. While both do whatever tehy want, the ones shown on tv do so in a tacky way that makes them look like sluts and gold diggers. A real life Bad Girl makes moves in silence. She doesn't have to tell the world what she has or how she got it. She keeps her business to herself, which makes her a trusted individual to have on your team.

I could go on and on on the subject, but I think I've given you enough of a glimpse into what makes a Bad Girl for now. Leave me a comment and let me know what YOU think defines a Bad Girl.

Con Amor (With Love),

Toni

From the Princess With Love: I'm Okay I Promise

This post is just to let you guys know that I'm okay. Yes, my father died, and yes, I"m really sad about it, but I'm okay. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel and all I say is 'I'm okay.' To be honest, I don't really know what else to say in response. am I supposed to say that I'm on the verge of being on a rooftop with a shotgun shooting random people just for the fuck of it? Probably not, although I can't say I haven't entertained the idea in the past few days (even before my father died). Am I supposed to say that my grief is starting to consume me, making it hard to even breath, much less function like a normal human being?

I mean, seriously, what the fuck kinda answer am I supposed to give to that question?! Like, how am I supposed to be able to put into words all of the different things I'm thinking and feeling right now? I just feel like folks don't really wanna know how I"m doing. It feels like people are just asking to be nice or something. I know that's not really the case, but that's how I feel sometimes. Part of it comes from my own self-esteem issues, not thinking that I"m really worthy of the love I get from people. And part of it comes from my knowledge of human nature. I know that there are people that will just pretend to be close to you just to make themselves look good or whatever.

I went through this phase last week where I was only talking to a very select few people. And when I say I wasn't really talking, I mean it. No tweeting, no texting, no phone calls, NOTHING. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. I was trying to deal with what was going on in the best way I know how. I've always been the type that deals with things inwardly. Sure, I'll rant and swear and whatnot on Twitter or whatever, but at the end of the day, the things I'm dealing with are never really disclosed to anyone, not even those that are closest to me. Why? Because I've always believed that, when people know how you're feeling, they can use it against you later down the road. So, rather than give anyone ammunition against me in this battle called life, I keep all the stuff I'm going thru and feeling to myself.

So, for those that are asking, I'm okay. I'm not suicidal or anything. Homicidal maybe, but that's a story for another day lol. Don't worry about me. I'm a big girl that can handle any and everything put before me. My parents and God have made me into the strong princess before you. I know that your concerns come from love, and I truly appreciate it, but I'm okay, I promise.

Besos y Abrazos (Hugs and Kisses),

Toni (La Princesa)

'If You Need Anything, Let Me Know'

On Saturday, January 30,2010 at 11:55pm, my father, Eric William Jones passed away. He had been sick for a while, so we (my family) were prepared, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept or deal with.

Whenever someone loses a person, the first thing you hear after 'I'm sorry' is 'If you need ANYTHING, just let me know.' The latter phrase always puts me in a funky position. Not because I think I"m one of these people that doesn't need people, but because I've never really been the type that asks for help when I need it. I've always been the type to just work shit out on my own and, if it seems that I can't handle it, then and only then will I ask for help. It's a strange and viscious thing, this pride of mine. It's like, I want people to care enough about me to want to help, but understand that I'm not the type that's gonna ask you to do so.

My father always would get onto me about that. He'd say, 'Toni, no one out here can read your mind. How the hell are they gonna know you need help if you don't ask?' My thing is, how the hell am I supposed to ask for help when I have no idea how to even begin to form my lips to ask for help? I've always felt that, if you can't handle the situations in your life, it shows weakness. Of course, in extreme situations, you gotta get help from others. Like if you're being attacked or something. Trust and believe if my son was in danger or something, I'll ask any and everyone for help. However, when it comes to my needs and whatnot, I just can't bring myself to ask for help.

A friend of mine texted me the other day and said that they were here for me, which I've been getting a lot since my father fell ill four weeks ago. The part that really caught me off guard was when he said (via text) 'If you need anything, will you really tell me and come to me for help?' That's the part of the text that had me trippin'. this friend and I have worked together for almost two years and I consider them family. for him to know that he had to ask me that shows how much I truly don't ask for help. Of course, I replied that I'll ask for help if I need it, but I think him and I both know that it probably won't happen. Not because I don't think he'll help me, because he's done so much for me over the past two years, but because there's no way I can tell him, or anyone else for that matter, that I need help.

I don't want to seem ungrateful, because Lord knows I'm appreciative of every bit of love I receive from those I consider friends and family. I just wish I could make people understand that I'm not the type to ask for help, even when it's painfully obvious that I need it. *sigh* I just wish I could snap my fingers and make this whole fucked up situation disappear; make it like some terrible nightmare that's over because I'm awake now. But, this is real life, and I know that I can't do that. So, rather than tell those close to me that I need help because my heart is broken and my brain is totally consumed and I can barely get out of bed in the morning without my eyes filling with tears, I just say 'I'm okay. Thanks for being here. I appreciate you.' What else am I supposed to do? Provide a big list of things that I need, like hugs and kisses and to hear my father's laugh again? Um, no, that's not gonna work for me.

I can't ask you for help because I don't know how. I mean, clearly I know the words and am able to articulate them (in English and Spanish), but something inside of me just won't let me go to someone, anyone, and be like 'I need your help' because then it appears that I need you because I can't handle things myself. Then I end up feeling weak and also, it makes me feel like I owe you something, you know? Especially if the issue is a monetary one.

At the end of the day, thanks for being here for me. I love you all for your willingness to help me and my family get thru this hard time.

Con Todo Mi Corazon (With all my heart),
Toni