I Just Don't Get It: Dickriders

In this 'NO HOMO' and 'PAUSE' era we find ourselves in these days, the male groupie, also known as the dickrider, totally baffles me. I just don't understand how these guys that would slap the shit outta someone for calling them homosexual can openly, albeit metaphorically, suck the next guy's dick.

For those of you unclear on just what a dickrider is, let me clarify. A dickrider is a guy that is constantly talking about hte next dude in a way that shows a little too much admiration. Rather than coming across as just another fan, they come off looking like they're trying to hook up with the guy. Usually, the guy the dickrider is always talking about is a celebrity of some kind. In our discussion, we're talking about guys that ride a rapper's dick so hard you'd think they were sharing a body. A woman that behaves this way is usually known as a 'groupie'.

Twitter has given the dickrider a whole new platform. Now, they use their timelines to shamelessly promote the artist that they're riding. Now, let me be very clear before I get serious shade thrown my way. I'm not against supporting artists and encouraging people to open their minds, ears and wallets to an artist. I'm talking abouth the type of person that has nothing else to talk about but the artist they love. When every single tweet you send is about this artist, a dude that stands up to pee just like you, it's a little suspect to me. I know that artists have street teams and promotion teams that pay people to endorse and advertise their albums. BUT, if you're just giving this dude publicity for free, what does that say about you? I also know that sometimes, this happens when local artists have their friends doing promo for them. I'm all about supporting local artists that 'make it big' so to speak, but when I can't tell if I'm talking to them or to you, there's a problem. I mean, what makes this guy so special that you'd be willing to come across as looking like you're in the closet? I seriously wanna know what the fuck could be so special about an artist to make them the center of a heterosexual man's universe?

If the only thing that you have to talk about is the next dude, how is anyone gonna get to know YOU?! You're just gonna be considered another dickrider; someone that wants 'the life' so badly you try to live through the next dude. Rather than promotiong someone that doesn't give a shit about you, try promoting YOURSELF!! I can Google an artist and get their whole life story. Clearly, if I'm talking to you, you're the one I'm interested in talking to and about.

It's really quite pathetic if you want my honest opinion. And, if you're doing all this promo for free, that's even worse. Look at it this way: Hookers, they ride dick too, but at least they're getting paid for it. You're out here giving it up for free. What's missing from your life that you have to make a celeb the center of it? They're not doing shit but laughing at you at the end of the day. Sure, they'll tweet and say in interviews that they 'love the fan support', but how many times do you see them actually talking to us 'regular folks'?

I'm a fan of tons of artists, both unsigned and labeled up, but I can't see myself making any of them the center of my conversations and life. I don't spend my day discussing them and if someone else doesn't like them, I don't jump down their throat like they just dissed my momma. That shit is sick, dude, like for real. Either you have serious self-esteem or sexuality issues, or maybe both who knows. Or, maybe you just never got off your ass and did something with yourself so you're suckin' the next dude off in hopes of making a name for yourself. Unfortunatly, the only name you're making for yourself is DICKRIDER.

Whatever the reason is, the shit has to stop! If you're the type of dude I just talked about, I'm sincerely sorry that your life is so empty you have to fill it by riding the next dude's dick. Seriously, get a life of your own. These celebs you're making famous aren't doing anything to better your life.

I know I'm not hte only person who's noticed this shit, am I? Drop me a comment and let me know what you think.

Besitos,

Toni

I'm Back!!

Hello, world! I know, I know, I've been gone for entirely too damn long. The phrase you see above is something I've been telling myself for the past few weeks as I've been on serious hiatus. As some of you may know, I haven't even really tweeted in almost exactly two weeks, which is crazy when you think of just how much I was tweeting on the regular.

See, I lost my job two weeks ago and it had me seriously fucked up in the head. Like, for real, I haven't been as depressed as I was over the past two weeks since my grandmother died 14 years ago. I know they totally aren't the same type of event, but the pain I felt was certainly real. I was a mess; couldn't really eat or sleep, didn't wanna talk to anyone, and cried for the first 24 hours off and on. The whole situation was crazy. I won't give specifics because there's no point. I'm over it now and back in effect so why continue to give the past conversation in the present?

I wanna thank all of my friends that kept in contact with me and checked up on me while I was on hiatus. The words of encouragement and love really helped me pull through. You guys just don't know how much you all mean to me.

So, now that I'm unemployed, I have a lot of time on my hands to develop something people have been urging me to do for a long time now. As you read this, I'm making plans. Of course, I can't tell you guys all about it just yet, but know that I havve something great brewing on the horizon. That being said, stay close to me or be out of the loop.

Well, loves, that's all for now. I've missed you guys terribly, so don't be strangers!! If you're not already, follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ToniC813. That way, you can stay on top of all my randomness lol.

Besitos Con Amor,

Toni

I Just Don't Get It: Crazy Jealous Women

Let me clarify before I begin. When I say 'crazy jealous women', I don't mean regular run of the mill envy. That's perfectly natural in my opinion. It's not cute, but if you say you've never been envious of another person, you're a bold-faced liar. I'm talking about 'Fatal Attraction' jealousy; the kind that makes a woman sit in front of a man's house like she's on stakeout for the police department just to see who he's dealing with. The shit that makes seemingly sane women stalk a guy's Facebook page to see who he's talking to. And let me go on record saying that I know there are plenty of guys out there that are crazy as hell with jealousy too, but I'm only talking about the ladies right now. I'll get to you crazy fellas in another blog.

Okay, so, what I've never understood about the CJW (crazy jealous woman) is what makes them tick. I mean, I can't say that I've never gone to an ex's social network page to see what's up with them or if their new chick is cuter than I am. That's just curiosity and wanting to be able to say 'that bitch ain't got shit on me'. We've all done it at least once or twice. I'm talking about these women that plan their whole day around that shit. If he didn't want you before, what makes you think that stalking him is gonna make him change his mind? I've never claimed to be an expert on anything, but I know guys, and they don't like being stalked. They don't wanna have to answer a million and one questions like 'Who's that bitch you tweeted hi to today?' or 'So you wanna fuck that bitch or something now?'. I mean seriously, ladies, that shit is just not cute on too many levels.

I have a friend (a guy) who's cell phone was recently hacked by some chick he's been dicking down. The chick texted someone and asked about the nature of the relationship between my friend and the other girl, calling him a stalker and all sorts of crazy shit. That's a CJW move if I've ever seen one. First of all, who knew AT&T was so lax in their security that just anyone can fake being you and get into your phone? Secondly, what made this chick do that shit? For all she knows, the chick on the receiving end of those texts could be certified crazy. Then you gotta think about how the guy is gonna react to you hacking into his shit. If my friend was a different type of dude, I'd be putting money on his books right now. Not that I condone violence against women of course, because you all know that I don't, but I understand that we all have a limit to the amount of bullshit we're willing to take before we snap. I told him I'll kick her ass, but he won't let me.

The only benefit I can see to being a CJW is that whomever you're with, they don't play too many games if they know off top you're crazy jealous. If a guy enters into it knowing he runs the risk of finding rabbits cooking on his stove, that's his bad and I hope he's gotta good lawyer and great medical coverage. Look at what happened to Michael Douglas in that movie. He had to KILL this bitch to get her to leave him alone. She kidnapped his daughter, tried to kill his wife, and some more shit. Of course, that's a worst case scenario, but that shit happens every day. Just like that astronaut in Texas who drove across the country wearing adult diapers to confront some dude. Seriously, if you have to go through all of that to get the guy you want, the problem isn't him. More than likely, it's your crazy ass ways.

CJWs make it hard for us 'normal' women because every guy, in the back of his mind, wonders, 'Is this bitch gonna turn out to be psycho like so and so?'. I understand that love and lust are both powerful emotions that can sometimes cloud our vision and perception of reality, but there's a limit to how much that excuses. Sure, we all want to be loved, but it should be healthy love. I've found that most of these CJWs are women that have experienced some sort of abuse or abandonment in their lives, which I can relate to and identify with. But, you can't use your past as an excuse for your present actions. Yeah, I was abused at various times of my life and my birth father was never there, but that wouldn't make it okay for me to be sitting on a rooftop peeking in a dude's windows or whatever.

Being a little envious of another person, although it's not cute, is normal. But when your whole life becomes what he's doing with the next chick, you have deeper issues than being a woman scorned. You're worthy of a love that will be equally returned. If the person you're into isn't giving you that, let go and move onto the next that will. We all need love in this life, but at what cost?

Have you ever known or dealt with a CJW?

Besos,

Toni

My Love/Hate Relationship With Twitter

Now, everyone who knows me knows that I am a serious Twitter junkie. I have no qualms about telling any and everyone that Twitter for me is my strongest addiction. As much as I love it, there are a few things about ti that make me wanna throw up and go to rehab.

I love that I can log into Twitter and see what everyone's talking about. It reminds me of the old chat rooms we all used to troll back in the day. Don't act like I'm the only one who would log into the AOL or Yahoo chat rooms lol. I get on Twitter some days and don't tweet a thing. I just read everyone else's tweets. Don't judge me for being nosey, okay? I get a lot of inspiration for what I write from my tweeties lol.

Another thing I love about Twitter is that I can get all of the latest news on there. I don't have to spend nearly as much time as I used to looking for stuff thanks to Twitter. All of the sources I use for blogging purposes are on Twitter, so I get all the headlines in one place. And who doesn't like a little simplicity? I follow just about all of the major blogs: Necole Bitchie, Gyant Unplugged, AJ Supreme, and The Urban Daily to name a few. And of course, I follow the people associated with the company I work for so I can do my job.

Now it's time for the gripes. While I've met some of the dopest, realest people ever on Twitter, the Keyboard Gangsters and the fakers are taking over. You know the type, because they all came from Myspace, Facebook, Black Planet, and all of the other social networking sites that are now considered old school. They're the type that are always talking about kicking someone's ass or being harder than the next person (the keyboard gangsters). And the fakes are even worse, pretending to be whomever they think you want them to be so you can friend them or put them on somehow. These motherfuckers should all be gathered up and collectively get their asses beat by all the real motherfuckers in the world that have to deal with these bamas. I could go on and on about this, but I'll spare you that rant for now.

Another thing that pisses me off about Twitter are the damn bots. Who gives a shit if I curse a lot? I don't need some jerkoff tweeting me to say 'You curse too much, @ToniC813. Watch your mouth.' No shit I icurse a lot, but last time I checked, I'm a grown ass woman that can do and say anything I want that isn't deemed illegal by the government. Then there's the Britney porn tape bot. I swear I wanna find these fuckers and slap the shit out of each and every last one of them. I was getting spammed so much by these bitches I had to protect my tweets (aka make my timeline private) to keep them from following me. THe shit is ridiculous. Twitter, if you can kick people off for overly promoting themselves, why the fuck can't you stop these damn Britney bots? I love Britney Spears btw (don't judge me), but I'm not interestedin seeing her give some dude some bop (head for you non-DMV residents). And I'm sure even Britney is tired of seeing her mouth next to these various dicks.

As I said, I'm a serious Twitter junkie, but I'm not blind to its faults. Do you tweet? If so, what do you love and hate about it?

Besos Por Todos,

Toni (@ToniC813 on Twitter lol)

Toni-ism 09: Love Yourself First

It sounds so simple, but it's really the hardest thing to do. I didn't come up with this phrase, but I firmly believe in it: You have to love yourself before you can love somebody else. RuPaul made the phrase popular, but it's something we all have heard in one variation or another.

Growing up, I had serious depression issues. I remember thinking that there was no way I would ever be able to sustain any relationship because there was something wrong with me. I was too skinny or too gossipy or too much of anything that was a turnoff. Part of it came from some of the things I saw growing up. My brother's father was an abusive guy, but only towards myself and my mother. My brother never got so much as yelled at by his father from what I can remember. When I was a kid, I didn't know that he wasn't my father too (long story), so it made me think that abuse=love since I saw my 'dad' hurting my mother physically sometimes, but moreso mentally and emotionally. I thought that was the way it was supposed to be.

I went through my early teen years thinking that, if I was just everything that everyone wanted, I'd have the love that I so eagerly desired. I started giving myself emotionally to every person that came into my life, resting my happiness on tehir shoulders. That's not fair to do to anyone, but as a teenager, what do we really know about relationships? I know I was kinda clueless, but maybe that was just me lol. Anyway, I thought that the key to happiness was to have someone tell you they loved you.

When I was 17, I attempted suicide for the first time. I can't really say what led up to it, because I think I was just fed up. I felt that all of the people in my life were just there out of a feeling of obligation. I didn't think that anyone could love a girl like me. I felt that I was so flawed, I'd never be able to live amongst others and them not see the fucked up person that was me. I didn't realize that I was getting back what I was putting out there. I didn't know that, because I didn't think highly of myself, no one else did either. Sure, I had tons of 'friends' and went on dates and had boyfriends, but I never really felt loved. My best friend saved my life that day, by the way. She stayed with me all day and wouldn't let me go to sleep (I had taken pills) or anything. Lucky for me, her mother was a nurse, so she knew what to do.

As I grew up and went through things, I realized that the reason I wasn't happy with anyone else is because I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't love myself enough to know when to stay and when to leave. I didn't have hte confidence and security to put myself first. Once I realized that love starts with me, my whole life changed. I became more confident and realized I could make it on my own because I had the love of God and loved myself enough to make sure it happened.

When you reach the point in life where your love of self is strong, you find the strength to stand up for what you want. Now that I love Toni for who she is, I'd never tolerate abuse of any kind from anyone, whether they be family or stranger. Once you love yourself, it makes you strong enough to love someone else. Otherwise, you'll just be their puppet, letting them string you along on their own journey, when your journeys should be joint.

Love yourself first. Know your worth. Allow no one to make you feel like you aren't worthy of love. These are things I tell myself every day. I'm not saying that I have all teh answers, because Lord knows I'm a mess, but I know what's worked for me. I love myself enough to walk away from situations that I may have tolerated a few years ago. I love myself enough to fight for what I believe in. I love myself enough to love my son with everything I have. I love myself enough to love you.

Well, lovies, that's all for now. Until next time....

Con mucho amor,

Toni

My Love/Hate Relationship With My Job

Let me start by saying that I know that I am truly blessed to have a job PERIOD in this economy, much less a job where I get to work from home every day. Plus, I get to work in a field that is a passion of mine, which is always great. However, just like with any job, there are pros and cons to working at home.

PRO: No set schedule per say

Since I work at home, I can pretty much set my own 'business hours' so to speak. I don't have to be at work from 9-5 like most people that work for my company. I definitely am not mad that I don't have to wake up at the asshole crack of dawn to commute to some office and all that jazz. This pro can be a con though in the line of work I'm in because you never know when news is gonna break, so I have to be available whenever they need me. But, that rarely happens, so we'll keep this in teh pros column.

CON: I kinda miss having someplace to go every day

Now, don't get me wrong, being able to sit in my house in my pjs all day is definitely a good look. But there are days when I kinda miss having somewhere to go, you know? I kinda miss having an excuse to do my hair and all that jazz. Since I'm at home, I pretty much rock a ponytail or my scarf since I'm not going anywhere.

PRO: I am doing what I love

The fact that I get to blog and be a part of creating a blog team for a huge corporation makes my heart sing. I love that I'm helping them reach a goal and making an impact on how they do things. Plus, this experience is helping me learn about the backend of blogging, the behind the scenes stuff that I need to know for when I start doing my own thing.

CON: Motivation to work sometimes is hard

Working from home always sounds so easy to people, myself included before this, but it's a lot harder than I anticipated. Finding the motivation to actually climb outta bed and work can be hard sometimes when you know there's not a specific deadline or anything. Some days, I just wanna stay under the covers, but I know that if I do, I won't get paid. While you'd think that money would be enough to motivate me to get up outta bed, sometimes my sleepiness makes it hard.

PRO: I work alone

I love people, don't get me wrong, but having to depend on someone else to get something done irritates me to no end. Especially if they're holding me up over something dumb. Working alone gives me assurance that I'm getting things done.

CON: I work alone

Since it's just me here, I don't have that extra push of support and help, if needed, to get things done. Sure, I can always call my boss and get assistance or whatever, but it's not the same as being in the same building with them. Knowing your boss is only 5 feet away is a helluva motivating force to get things done. Plus, I get kinda lonely here all by myself while Dominic is at school and the roommies are at work. I miss having someone to talk to when I go on smoke breaks or whatever.

PRO: My bosses truly appreciate and respect me

I know so many people that are working for people and are miserable for one reason or another. I can honestly say that I'm the happiest I've ever been about a job. The only other paying job I had that was as much fun to me was when I worked at Waffle House in Georgia. I love that I get to write every day. It's a very exilerating feeling when you see your dreams being realized. That makes all the shit that is kinda difficult seem so meaningless. To know that my bosses recognize my skills and ask my input on things makes me feel like thebomb.com. Plus, my bosses are all really cool. I was lucky enough to meet them and get to know them a little before they hired me.

Like I said before, I'm truly blessed to have ANY job, so I'm grateful. Plus, I do love that I get to be home with Dominic more. Everyone says I'm so lucky to get to work at home, which is true, but I just wanted y'all to know it's not as easy as you might think. It takes a lot of self-motivation and organization to do it.

Until next time, 

Toni

Dear Attic/Balloon Boy and Family

Dear Attic/Balloon Boy and Family,

First of all, Falcon, let me say that I am glad that you were safe in your hiding place rather than floating into oblivion. Now that I've said that, let me tell you how much I am over your family.

To know that, while the whole country was watching your lil device float across the Colorado skyline, your lil ass was chillin in a garage attic (allegedly) pisses me off to no end. I mean, the whole damn country was worried and sending prayers your way when the whole time you and your fam was chillin watching it unfold. I'm too through with you, Falcon. I watched you and your two bad ass brothers on Larry King hitting each other and whatnot and your mother just sat there smiling like a damn fool. I saw your fam's episode on WifeSwap and thought that you were more the type of family that needs Super Nanny Jo Frost. I'm sure she would've been able to whip your family into shape.

Now, to Falcon's parents, I have to ask, what kind of parents are you?! I've seen some media whores in my time, but you two take the fucking cake. To pimp out your son just to get a reality show deal is beyond disgusting. It's downright criminal. To see that the police in your town are gonna press criminal charges against you two makes my heart smile. I'm not one to be happy about anything bad happening to anyone, but you deserve it. You two spent tax payer dollars to get on television. What kind of bullshit is that?! You put on a great show though, I must admit. I was one of the millions of Americans that was on the edge of myseat, praying for Falcon. How can you look at yourselves and not feel like shit?

To add insult to injury, it is being alleged that you two shitbags had a media outlet help you set up this little scene. I swear you two should be working for network television. Did you guys work on the script together? Did they tell you how to handle the other media you would encounter after the fact? These are questions we all want to, and deserve, to know. Oh, and your lawyer is a dick. For him to have an attitude on the news about you guys hopefully being prosecuted for pulling the wool over the public's eyes is just stupid. I guess I just really want to understand where the hell any of you gets the nerve to have an attitude with ANYONE after the bull you pulled, but whatever.

I guess the big question is, how do you live with yourself? How can you bastards look in the mirror every day knowing that the whole country had your back and you stabbed us in ours? I mean, we should have guessed it was a hoax when you let little Falcon throw up on tv twice. But he screwed up your plans by blurting the truth out during tha tLarry King interview, huh? Damn kids and their inheriant honesty. How could you use your own kid to make a quick buck? I am a mother, and could never imagine getting rich off of my son in such a way.

Well, I hope you two enjoy prison and that your three sons are going to get the care they need while y'all are locked up. It's not their fault you raised them that way.

Toni